All that could have been
by loserbaby
Summary: Elizabeth has to leave Atlantis for good.


A/N: Since I've heard about the changes that are going to take place in the show regarding to Elizabeth, I've been thinking about this. I love the song and somehow it seemed to fit. Hope you like it! Reviews are always appreciated:-)

**All that could have been**

based on the song "All that could have been" by Trent Reznor

_Breeze still carries the sound  
__Maybe I'll disappear_

These are some of the things you're going to miss the most, the soft wind tousling the strands of your hair, the arising light of the early daybreak caressing your skin. Like so many times before you stand on your balcony, leaning on its railing. But this morning you're here to say goodbye to your beloved sanctuary. You feel like you can't breathe any more.

_Tracks will fade in the snow  
__You won't find me here_

History. This is what Atlantis will be for you from tomorrow. Your life here will become your memory. Your memory will fade, and then … nothing. You feel the tear that has been stuck in your eye for almost a week running down your cheek.

_Ice is starting to form  
__Ending what had begun_

One tear for a whole lifetime.

_I am locked in my head  
__With what I've done_

You knew one of these days you would have to answer for the decisions you've made as a leader. Responsibility, consequences, the words that always echo in your mind. The words that caused you to do everything. The words that caused you to do nothing.

_I know you tried to rescue me  
__Didn't let anyone get in_

He desperately fought to help you, you know that. He wants you to remain. He wants to come with you. It was his eyes making that confession the moment you told him you would leave for good. Those beautiful hazel eyes reflecting your innermost feelings.

_Left with a trace of all that was  
__And all that could have been_

Before you know it your very last hour in Atlantis has flown by. You hear the gate being activated. It's time. It's over. Reluctantly you leave your shelter, someone else's shelter from now on. Slowly walking to the gate room you realize you've never been so aware of your surroundings since the very day of your arrival in this amazing city. Everything is so beautiful. Your heart aches. And it does even more when you see all the people assembled around the gate, your friends, your family. They become silent when they catch sight of you. You want all of them to disappear, but you act bravely, because you know they're merely here to comfort you. You smile at each of them. You tell them everything's going to be alright. For them, at least, everything will be alright. Soon, you'll only be another fading memory of theirs. The more often you hear yourself saying that a changes mean chances, the more you want to scream and shout and damage the damn gate so that you would have to stay. While you blink away a second tear that threatens to emerge you clench your fists until they hurt. You inhale deeply and then suddenly he's in front of you. No encouraging fake smile. No soothing lies. Instead, his eyes reveal the same internal struggle you're having since you were told about your new future. You're sure that for him your eyes are equally the window to your soul. So his hazel eyes connect to your green ones in a communication of unspoken words, telling of the regret, sadness and anger your souls share. Without knowing or wishing it, years ago you gave away your heart to him and received his in exchange. You never allowed anything to happen, but still, none you will ever be complete again. You only own a part of him as he only owns a part of you.

_Please__Take this  
__And run far away  
__Far away from me_

You gather all your strength to stop yourself from throwing your arms around him and beg him to keep you safe forever. Your head drops. You want to say goodbye to him, but you can't. It would cost you all the self control you've left. You can't even look in his eyes anymore.

_I am__Tainted  
__The two of us  
__Were never meant to be_

For a second you hope he'd force you to lift your chin to his face, but he doesn't.

_All these  
__Pieces  
__And promises and left behinds_

Your head is still down when you pass him. Your arm brushes against his shoulder.

_If only I could see  
__In my  
__Nothing  
__You meant everything  
__Everything to me_

You raise your head to see you've reached the gate. You never thought you could bring up so much hatred towards something as you do right now towards this ring. You shut your eyes.

_Gone fading everything  
__And all that could have been_

You don't turn around and for the first time going through a wormhole hurts.

_Please  
__Take this  
__And run far away  
__Far as you can see  
__I am tainted  
__And happiness and peace of mind  
__Were never meant for me  
__All these pieces  
__And promises and left behinds  
__If only I could see  
__In my nothing  
__You meant everything  
__Everything to me_

You don't want to open your eyes again.


End file.
